How I accepted my mother and became happy



It’s funny and amazing that I got to write about my mother. As an individual, who doesn’t believe in accidents, I have a feeling this has been long overdue. I need to acknowledge my mother and reconnect with her heritage.


In retrospect, I have always been daddy’s girl and then, step daddy’s girl, who was even more of a dad to me for as long as he lived until he passed away. My step dad (my mother’s second husband) died seventeen years ago. He was in our lives for ten years.


During those years, I barely spoke to my real dad. I felt neither need nor mutual desire. That changed, when my step dad died, and I needed to fill in my heart with new father figure. I craved father figure. For some reason, my whole life has been about fathers, brothers, boyfriends and then, a spouse. Everything about men and difficult relationships with them.


I slowly started talking again to my dad; it became easier, since I was transferred to school, where he was teaching physics and astronomy. To me, a fourteen year old traumatized and confused teenager he was a mesmerizing image of god, a source of truth, which was unquestionable, just like his authority. Due to my thirst of connection, I listened and believed everything he said; I was like a sponge, trying to soak every bit of information and attention, even like a puppy, craving love.


My father is bright, enlightened and passionate individual, a visionary. He influenced me profoundly. When he became successful in his business, which he was doing on a side from school, I was very proud. My mom was still working in some retail store, she was an owner, but eventually had to give it up, simply because it wasn’t producing enough money. To be honest, after spending all our savings, trying to save her second husband and the greatest love of her life, and after losing this battle with death, things went down spiral.


She found a third husband, but I felt she stayed with him, because she couldn’t stand the loneliness.

Her third husband was a complete opposite of her second husband. To make it more complicated he inherited two troubled kids (me and my sister), and a woman, who he loved with all his heart, yet he was doomed to be compared to the one she had truly loved and lost. It wasn’t easy. They were fighting constantly. He even left a few times, but always came back.


My mother is a very strong, powerful, insightful, deep and intense individual. For this very reason they couldn’t make it with my father. They were two leaders, who couldn’t give up their authorities.


By the age of nineteen, I was quiet and shy individual, with vivid imagination and dreams to be some kind of artist. I had a music band, where I was a singer, and I was constantly writing poems. What I didn’t have was guts to pursue artistic career. My mother was pressuring me to get a “real” education. I left music, went to study Tourism and Hospitality, and when I was twenty one, I came to the United States as an exchange student. I never came back home.


My father was trying to recruit me to expand his business overseas, but I just wasn’t wired the same way, and felt really guilty about it. His success and my inability to follow made me feel mediocre.


I was looking down at my mother, who was now working as a retail assistant at somebody else’s store. It was definitely under her intellectual capacity, but she couldn’t manage to get out to the next level. I was mad at her, yet I couldn’t find myself either.


Next year I’m turning thirty. I am just now realizing that I need to go into artistic field and not feel ashamed about it. I have been drilling everything my dad said out of my head, because I have realized that this man is not always right, and the wall between us can’t be broken even if I fulfill all of his expectations.


I’m learning to set boundaries and protect what’s important to me. I’m re-examining my relationship with my mother. My dad got this vibe going, as if she had nothing accomplished in her life, and he’s so successful, yet to me, she was lucky to experience the greatest love I have ever witnessed, and the most beautiful love story with the most amazing man, who had died for us. I envy her now.


I love talking to her; she’s my best life coach. I think part of the reason I couldn’t accept and find myself was because I didn’t accept my mom for who she was and her life experience as being worthy.


I sense that now things are changing. I’m blessed to have such a great, loving and wise mother. She is forty eight years old, she gave birth to her third daughter at the age of forty, and that little girl made her third husband and their marriage so much happier.


She went back to teach history at school, and loves it. Now she feels like she’s contributing to society. I am proud of her, and I want to take everything from her life experience, so I can apply it on my own life and be the best person and daughter.

Breastfeeding Today

English: A baby breastfeeding

English: A baby breastfeeding (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Breastfeeding Today is an online magazine and this month they had a lovely article on how to handle criticism for breastfeeding. Its a question and complaint many breastfeeding mothers have, how to handle it when strangers, friends and family make rude comments or give terrible advice, no matter how well intentioned, about your breastfeeding relationship with your baby. I loved the suggestions the article in Breastfeeding Today provides, they are gentle and loving.

Breastfeeding Today

Questions to Ask Your Midwife

I recently came across a wonderful article listing the questions one should ask one’s midwife. I personally did ask many of these, as I was a very nervous first time mama who didn’t want to end up at a hospital under any circumstances.  My experience with The Birth Place under Jennie Joseph was wonderful and most of these were answered without my even needing to ask.  The answers to these questions are going to depend on different factors which we can go over in future.  However, these will give you things to think about and help you with the interview process.

Original blog here:

Midwife Jennie Joseph

Interview Questions…


1.   What is your philosophy regarding pregnancy and birth and your role in it?
2.   How many births have you attended?
3.   What percentage of women successfully have a natural birth under your care?
4.   What percentage of women need to transfer to the hospital (if planning a home birth or birth center birth)? What is the typical reason?
5.   What percentage of moms end up with a C-section?
6.   What percentage of moms end up with an epidural?
7.   What percentage of babies are transferred to NICU?
8.   What is the mortality rate for moms? For babies?
9.   Do you have hospital privileges? At what hospitals?
10. If you have children, what were your birth experiences like?
11. How many midwives or obstetricians are on the team? Who are your assistants? Will I get to meet all of them? What is their experience? Can I be sure that you will attend my birth?
12. Do you deliver breech babies naturally? VBACs? Twins?
13. How many births do you attend per month?

Pregnancy & Prenatal Care

14. What usually happens at prenatal appointments? How many? When? How long are they?
15. Are you available by phone or email for questions?
16. What is your philosophy on weight gain, nutrition, prenatal supplements, and exercise?
17. What factors would risk me out of your practice? How will you help me prevent these?
18. What child birth class do you recommend?
19. What prenatal testing to you encourage?
20. What type of gestational diabetes testing do you typically use?
21. Do you recommend ultrasounds? When? How many?
22. Do you typically do vaginal checks during prenatal appointments? When?
23. What happens if I go past my due date? How late can I be and still birth under your care (if a midwife)?
24. What testing do you do for a late baby? Starting at how many weeks?
25. Do you have any concerns about big babies being birthed naturally?


26. When do you do vaginal checks during labor?
27. What type of monitoring do you do during labor? How often? For how long?
28. Do you routinely use an IV or hep-lock?
29. Are there birth tubs in each room in the birth center? What if one is not available when I’m in labor?
30. Is a water birth available? If not, am I able to push in the tub at all?
31. How long do you recommend I stay in the water at one time? Do I need to get out for monitoring?
32. How many women are under the care of one midwife or doctor at a time? How much will you be with me throughout my labor?
33. Are you comfortable working alongside a doula? Do you have particular doulas you recommend?
34. How long can I labor without induction?
35. When would you recommend induction? Do you use natural induction methods first?
36. How long can I labor without intervention after my water breaks?
37. Who attends a birth? (Students, assistants, nurses, etc.)
38. When do you feel amniotomy is indicated?
39. Can I eat and drink during labor?
40. What’s your process for implementing a family’s birth plan?
41. What positions are available during labor? While pushing?
42. What are reasons you would initiate a transfer to a hospital (if a home birth or birth center birth)?
43. How long do you allow for delivery of the placenta? When do you cut the cord?

Postpartum & Newborn Care

44. What post-partum care do you provide? When? How many appointments? Where?
45. What does newborn care consist of? Under what circumstances would my newborn need to be taken away from me for treatment?
46. Are you comfortable with me declining bathing, vitamin K, heel poke, eye ointment, vaccinations?
47. Can you help me initiate breastfeeding?

What was your experience interviewing midwives and obstetricians? What was the most important question you asked?

Free Places to Take Kids

Recently, one of our members asked a very good question, “Where can I take my child that’s free, besides playgrounds?”  If your toddler or child is anything like mine, they get bored easily and don’t want to stay inside the house all day. Sometimes we get bored of the same playground or the weather doesn’t allow. We got so many great suggestions from our members and readers I decided to make this list.

Free Places to Take Kids:

English: Children's area, Sutton branch

English: Children’s area, Sutton branch (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1)Libraries & Bookstores:
most have story times and other events for kids where its perfectly ok for them to be a little loud and have fun with books or toys. Presentations are common and offer opportunities to learn about different professions like firemen, police officers. These are ideal places to network with other parents too.

2) Nature Walks: hiking, nature trails or walks as they may be known offer great opportunities for little ones to stretch their legs, explore and learn.  Many places will also have playgrounds or other amenities.  Check your local state/national parks for more information or botanical gardens.

Splash Pad #1

Splash Pad #1 (Photo credit: chooyutshing)

3) Splashpads: a favorite during hot months! Many towns have splashpads that are either free or $3 or less. Great for little tots and bigger kids alike. Make sure to go prepared to get wet!



4) Central Florida parents: We love Downtown Disney! This is another great spot to let kids roam relatively free. The shops, splashpad, live entertainment and plenty of space to walk makes it very kid friendly. If you’re feeling bold, or are a DVC member, you can also visit one of the Disney resorts. I recommend Boardwalk Resort because you can walk on the boardwalk or Animal Kingdom Lodge which allows you to walk and see animals.

Lobby of Disney's Animal Kingdom Lodge, Orland...

Lobby of Disney’s Animal Kingdom Lodge, Orlando, Florida, USA (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

5) U-Pick Farms: in Clermont, FL we like to go to Showcase of Citrus and Marks Blueberries. Showcase of Citrus has a playground, sandbox, kittens, farm animals and you can pick from many varieties of citrus fruits. You can also purchase them from the shop along with other local delicacies.  Marks Blueberries has 20 varieties of blueberries and is lots of fun to eat while you pick. The pine trees also offer a nice area for them to walk and get pinecones for crafts.

6) Large stores: This is more of a desperate measures sort of thing, but some how I end up doing it quite a bit. Like with any place, you do have to watch the kids but at stores you have to be extra vigilant. Still, they’re good choices for rainy days, if you don’t want to drive far and are willing to shop very slowly. My boy loves to walk around in Lowes, Target, TJ Maxx, etc. He’s not yet 2, so its all one big playground to him. Malls also offer plenty of space to explore, and if you’re lucky, might even have an indoor play area.

What other places do you take your kids to?

How to organize absences from home

Your child needs to grow and develop independence, obviously. The right time to start is when they are mobile, so after the “in-arms” phase. We remember from the past posts that a child can only become independent after passing the stage of complete dependency on the caregiver. From birth and till they start creeping or crawling they need “in-arms” experience which is vital to their development. I always say that infant needs to be in contact with mother 24/7; it’s needed for his psycho-emotional development, his heart rate, his breathing, his body temperature, hormonal state and immune system to function efficiently. You can read about it in the previous articles. Moving on to the stage of independence.

At some point, mother needs to organize her absences from the child to allow him transition to independence. It’s important to do it right, and not to overdo it)) The child starts to stand at about 6-8 months. At this age – early social adaptation in the group occurs. This adaptation takes place in the absence of his mother. And, accordingly, in the absence of breastfeeding, so the child learns to spend some time without mommy’s breasts=)) I can say that it is an approximate scheme, depending on your particular situation. For example, I started organizing my absences past nine months of age of my daughter. In general, though, these are the right time frames for duration and frequency of your absences; by “right” I mean they are biologically appropriate to your child’s age and his development.

Here are some of the rules to organize your absence from home:

A child can be left alone with the person to whom you absolutely trust;

  • The first planned absences should take place when the child is awake; you cannot leave your baby asleep;
  • During your absence, the child must drink water and eat adult food;
  • Home absences during day naps start – from 9 months. The first 1-2 times, you can return to the spillage of the child, it is very delight;
  • When return – let him nurse right away. Even if it’s only for 1 minute. Then sit down with the kid at the table to eat;
  • By 10 months, the child can be away from you for 4-5 hours. It is important that the time absences coincided with daylight hours. As soon as it gets dark, hurry home.
  • At one year a child can spend without a mother, not be bored or remember about mother – about 6-7 hours. If it’s longer – he starts to miss you.
  • As the child grows up duration of absences increases. At 1.5 years it is 9-10 hours.
  • Frequency of absences – at least 3 times a week, but not more than 5.
  • Nightly absences may begin at the child’s age of 1.6-1.8 years. It is the beginning of the night absences that can trigger your period to come back;
  • Absences first “day-night-day” – at 1,9-2 years. Duration of 2-3 days – 2.3 years and 2.5 years – 1 week.

Breasts will react calmly, without engorgement, if you believe a child is safe. If you are worried – there is likely to be a big “tide” of milk. If so, you can hand-express until a feeling of relief. And, of course, ask yourself – “How come I’m so worried?” Perhaps it is over exaggerated.

Competent organization of absences gives you the opportunity to take care of your needs and the family, keeping the internal balance.

Mom who stays home with the child, have to be very creative and come up with a lot of kid activities, to distract attention from herself. There is a chance that the child might eat worse and sleep anxiously. But this is only a possibility, and it will depend on how the life of mom and a toddler is organized at home, and on the number of nursings.

Give the child the opportunity to become independent!

Happy Motherhood,

Sincerely yours, Your Motherhood and Attachment Parenting Coach

Valeriya Isernia

Creative Pregnancy, Birth Announcement, Maternity Photos

Browsing Pinterest can give you so much inspiration for great, creative pregnancy, birth announcement, maternity and gender announcement photos. We found this blog to have some really beautiful ideas and had to share!

Creative Pregnancy and Newborn Photos

I took some photos during my pregnancy, but I admit they weren’t planned or made into something creative or cute. I wish I had! At least I did put more thought into taking photos of my son each month. Every time he turned a month older, we took pictures of him with an owl sticker. I know that for baby number 2 I’ll make sure to plan carefully so we can make really cute memories! Here are a few examples of my baby boy’s monthly photos:

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Did you take creative photos to announce your pregnancy or the gender? How about monthly photographs of baby?

Vaccine Induced Demyelination

Myelination is an essential part of human brain development. Nerves can only conduct pulses of energy efficiently if covered by myelin. Like insulation on an electric wire, the fatty coating of myelin keeps the pulses confined and maintains the integrity of the electrical signal so that it has a high signal-to-noise ratio. When the insulation on a wire is damaged or

destroyed, the flow of electrical current may be interrupted and a short-circuit occurs.Oligodendrocyte cells give white matter its color by manufacturing myelin. If myelin falls into disrepair, nerve axons cease to function, even though they themselves aren’t damaged. Protecting oligodendrocytes after brain or spinal cord injury might keep nerve cells intact.At birth, relatively few pathways have myelin insulation. Myelination in the human brain continues from before birth until at least 20 years of age. Up until the age of 10 or so, vast areas of the cortex are not yet myelinated. Up to the age of 20, large areas of the frontal lobes are not yet myelinated.1

The prefrontal portions of the cerebrum have a profound influence on human behavior.2 If an individual is injected with vaccines,most of which have adjuvants like mercury and aluminum compounds, as well as foreign proteins (some from other species in which the vaccines were grown) and biological organisms, unprotected nerves may be impacted. The argument for a role of vaccines in the development of autistic disorders hinges on these biological effects upon nerves, damaging them in a way that influences behavior and learning patterns.

The argument for adjuvants evoking an auto-immune response does not hinge on any inherent neuro-toxicity of these compounds, but on the initiation of an allergic response.

 Make INFORMED decisions, people! Sincerely, Valeriya Isernia, AP trainer

6 reasons to say NO to vaccinations

Vaccination is an extremely controversial topic these days.     Whatever side of the aisle you may fall with regard to your opinion about vaccination, one thing is for certain.    The choice to vaccinate or not to vaccinate is a decision that has the potential to greatly impact the health of you and most importantly, your children for the rest of their lives.

As a result, this decision should not be taken lightly and it should not be made in a vacuum.   In other words, don’t just take your pediatrician’s word that shots are safe.    It is possible for doctors to be wrong.    They are human, after all.   In reality, your doctor is simply parroting the standard line about vaccination from the American Medical Association (AMA) playbook.    If you think you are getting their honest assessment, think again.

You should neither assume shots are dangerous just because your friend down the street doesn’t vaccinate her kids.

The key here is education;  making an informed decision by investigating the facts with an open mind and knowing exactly what you are getting yourself into before you commit to do anything.

With that in mind, the list below will briefly detail to you the reasons why I did not vaccinate my own children and will never consider a shot for them for any reason even in the event of a so called “pandemic.”    Please remember that I come from a medical family.   My own Father (retired) is a MD as is my brother and my cousin (who was a pediatrician, now deceased).    My husband’s mother is a nurse.    There is no shortage of opinions on this subject in my family, I can assure you.

So, don’t use family pressure as an excuse to do what you need to do once you investigate the facts for yourself and make an informed decision.   There is no more foolish choice than to do something because it is someone else’s wishes and not your own.    It is your body, after all and these are your children.   There is no one on earth who knows what is best for them except you and your spouse – not even and most especially not your doctor!   Make your decisions feeling confident in this knowledge.

#1:   Pharmaceutical Companies Can’t Be Trusted

Let’s just list a couple of the (many) times over the past 10 years where a drug or drug regimen has been deemed unsafe and downright dangerous and yet the pharmaceutical companies covered it up FOR YEARS in order to continue raking in the profits for as long as possible.    This should be an easy task.

How about hormone replacement therapy for women?    The standard of care for a menopausal woman for over 40 years was HRT.   Even women with no complaints were advised that this treatment was helpful as it reduced chances for a heart attack and cancer and even helped them feel younger.    Were any, I repeat ANY of these claims true?   Not a whit.   Breast cancer risk is doubled for women on HRT,  41% increased risk for stroke, 29% increased risk of heart attack, and the list goes on and on.

How about Vioxx?    Before this dangerous drug that caused thousands of deaths from heart attack and stroke was finally removed from the market, evidence surfaced that Merck had withheld information and even doctored reports on its dangers years before.    As of November 2007, Merck had agreed to pay $4.85 billion to settle approximately 27,000 cases from victims claiming injury or death of a family member using Vioxx.    While this is a huge sum of money, in reality it represents less than one year’s profits for Merck.   Does it pay for a drug company to lie about a drug’s safety and efficacy?   You betcha.    The risk of payouts to victims from getting sued is lower than the lure of huge and long lasting profits while a drug’s patent protection remains in effect.

I could cite other examples, but I’m trying to keep this post as pithy as possible.   Please comment if you have other examples of pharmaceutical company deceit.    It will help others reading this blog who might still be on the fence about this issue.

Remember the old proverb, “Fool me once, shame on you;  Fool me twice, shame on me”?    These corporate behemoths have proven themselves to be completely untrustworthy based on past behavior.   In a court of law, if such a company were an actual witness, an attorney would never put them on the stand due to a serious lack of credibility.   Are you really going to take these companies at their word that these shots are safe when money and profits are impacted by their answer?

#2:   ALL Vaccines are Loaded with Chemicals and other Poisons

Here is a list of some of the damaging ingredients in the vaccines on the market today:

MSG, antifreeze, phenol (used as a disinfectant), formaldehyde (cancer causing and used to embalm), aluminum (associated with alzheimer’s disease and seizures), glycerin (toxic to the kidney, liver, can cause lung damage, gastrointestinal damage and death), lead, cadmium, sulfates, yeast proteins, antibiotics, acetone (used in nail polish remover), neomycin and streptomycin.  And the ingredient making the press is thimerosol (more toxic than mercury, a preservative still used in many vaccines, not easily eliminated, can cause severe neurological damage as well as other life threatening autoimmune disease). These vaccines are grown and strained through animal or human tissue, likemonkey and dog kidney tissue, chick embryo, calf serum, human diploid cells (the dissected organs of aborted fetuses), pig blood, horse blood and rabbit brain.

Can you imagine injecting this stuff directly into your child’s blood?   At least if you ate these ingredients, your body would have a chance to detoxify and eliminate them before any permanent damage could be done.   But, to inject them right into the blood is the most damaging and lethal approach imaginable.    How could anyone possibly think injection of such a cocktail of poison could in any way help preserve and enhance your child’s health?

It sure didn’t make any sense to me.    And, here I am 12 years later, still very happy with my decision NOT to vaccinate my children.

Sadly, I know many Moms with 20/20 hindsight who greatly regret their decision to vaccinate.    I don’t know ANYONE who has not vaccinated and regrets their decision, however.     Which group do you want to be a part of in 10 years?

#3:   Fully Vaccinated Children are the Unhealthiest, Most Chronically Ill Children I Know

One thing that completely confounds me is that there are no studies comparing the health of unvaccinated children to the health of vaccinated children.  This seems like such an obvious study and it should have been conducted decades ago.    Why hasn’t it been done yet?   My guess is because the health of the nonvaccinated children would so totally blow away the health of the vaccinated children that the discussion about the dangers of vaccines could finally be put to bed and the case would be closed emphatically in favor of those that accuse shots of causing chronic illness and auto immune disease.

Take an informal poll of the folks in your circle and see for yourself.   Observation is a powerful tool, so put it to use.   The kids with the most problems – allergies, asthma, ADHD, autism, coordination and other gross motor issues, etc sure seem to be the ones that are right on track with their vaccination schedule, don’t you think?

Even more powerful, ask Moms with several children, some of whom are vaccinated and some who are not.    In my own circle, the Moms I know who have one or two older kids who are fully vaccinated and the younger kids who did not get any shots tell me that, hands down, that the unvaccinated children are healthier and have less problems.

Someday there will be a study that shows that unvaccinated children have many less health problems than their vaccinated peers.   Don’t wait until this study is finally done because it will be too late for your child.

#4:   Other Countries Are Waking Up to the Dangers of Vaccines

In 1975, Japan raised its minimum vaccination age to 2 years old,    The country’s infant mortality subsequently plummeted to such low levels that Japan now enjoys one of the lowest level in the Western world (#3 at last look).    In comparison, the United States’ infant mortality rate is #33.

In Australia, the flu vaccine was recently suspended (April 2010) for children under 5 because an alarming number of children were showing up in the emergency rooms with febrile convulsions or other vaccine reactions within hours of getting this shot.

Need I say more?

#5:   A Number of Vaccines Have Already Had Problems/Been Removed from the Market

Here is a brief list of some of the vaccines that have caused serious injury in recent years.   Please comment with others that you know of if they are not on this list:

– In Feb 2002, GlaxoSmithKline removed the Lyme Disease vaccine from the market citing poor sales when in fact a number of folks who received the vaccine reported symptoms worse than the disease itself such as incurable arthritis or neurological impairment.

–  The Rotavirus vaccine (Rotashield) was removed from the market in 1999 due to an association between the vaccine and life threatening bowel obstruction or twisting of the bowl!   Interestingly, my pediatrician at the time (who was a lifelong friend of our family) had highly recommended that this vaccine be given to my newborn baby at the time.   I trusted my instincts and said no to the shot – am I glad I did!    My pediatrician (remember, lifelong family friend) subsequently dropped me as a patient.   Guess he wasn’t such a friend after all!

– A warning was issued concerning the second Rotavirus vaccine (Rotateq)  in 2007 as it caused the same twisting of the bowel problem in 28 infants (16 of which required intestinal surgery).    This second vaccine has not yet been removed from the market as far as I know.

– Another vaccine that has had a lot of problems but is not yet withdrawn is the Gardasil vaccine for adolescent girls.    Fainting, paralysis, slurred speech are just a few of the reactions reported and yet this vaccine continues to stay on the market.   At least 1600 adverse events have been reported since its approval in 2006, yet doctors are continuing to recommend this shot to their patients.   Why this vaccine hasn’t already been removed from the market is astonishing.

If the vaccines above have had serious problems, the others probably do too as vaccine manufacturers follow the same basic formula when coming up with each new shot.

#6   You Can Always Get Vaccinated, But You Can Never Undo a Vaccination

Procrastination is usually considered a character flaw, but in the case of vaccination, delaying the decision for as long as possible plays to your advantage.    The longer you wait to vaccinate your child, the better.   A child’s immune system continues to develop for years after birth.    The blood/brain barrier does not fully develop until adolescence.     The longer you wait, the more likely your child’s immune system will be able to handle the onslaught with minimal damage.

If you don’t know what to do, don’t do anything!

Conversely, you can never undo a vaccination.   There are holistic therapies that can detox a child from the vaccine’s poison, but the damage that is done can never be 100% repaired.    And, I have NEVER met a fully vaccinated child that is healthier and more robust than a well nourished, unvaccinated child.   Period.

While I would like to convince you to never vaccinate your child, if I can simply convince you to delay it for a few years that is certainly better than vaccinating a baby.     If you can simply commit to waiting until your child is school age to vaccinate, so much the better than if you vaccinate as a toddler and so on.   Time is on your side and waiting is the best policy when it comes to shots.

By the time your child is older, more research will have been done, you will have an opportunity to learn more and become more comfortable with your decision to wait.    Who knows?    Your attitude of wait and see may turn out to be permanent.

original article here

Bad Breastfeeding Advice!!!

Here is a collection of ‘bad advice’ that many women are given in regard to breastfeeding from nurses, family, friends, etc. This bad advice is usually given with the very best intentions and is not meant to be ‘bad’. Please let me know if you have any questions about anything stated here!

*You must ‘prepare’ your nipples: rubbing with a towel/loofah/washcloth, pinching, pulling, etc. Leave your nipples alone! Your nipples were designed to breastfeed. Do not do anything to them; nipple stimulation is a labor inducer. During your third trimester, you can put Lansinoh cream on them, but you shouldn’t have to do anything else. Once you are nursing, use only warm water to wash your breasts, as soap may dry your nipples.

*Don’t put Lansinoh cream directly on your nipples; it will cause clogged ducts . Put it right on them; that’s what it’s for. Also, it does NOT need to be washed off before baby nurses.

*Baby shouldn’t nurse more than every 3-4 hours or you’ll spoil her. In the first few weeks, baby should eat at least every 3 hours-this is a minimum. It will often be closer to every 2 hours, as breastmilk digests in approximately 90 minutes. An increase in nursing time and frequency will happen during growth spurts, changes in routine, etc. Nurse on demand, as nursing is also a source of comfort for baby. You can never nurse too often; you can nurse too little. It’s a common thought that babies under 6 months cannot be spoiled.

*Switch breasts every 5-7 minutes, 10 minutes, etc. Never watch the clock when you are nursing. Baby will tell you that he is done by pulling off of your breast or falling asleep. When baby is finished with one breast, offer the second, though baby may or may not take it.

*You must not have enough milk, your milk must be bad, you should use formula if: baby is nursing so often, for such long periods, you don’t think you are pumping enough, etc. Baby will go through growth spurts, may cluster feed, or have some ‘marathon’ nursing sessions for any number of reasons. It does NOT mean your supply is low or that your milk is ‘bad’. These increases in frequency will come and go, but they will not last forever. Continue to feed on demand.

Never, never, never look to length of time nursing or pumping output as a reliable indicator of your supply. To see if baby is getting enough milk, watch her number of wet diapers and if she’s content after eating. Weight gain and meeting developmental milestones is also a good indicator that she’s getting enough. Your baby nursing is much more efficient than even the best breast pump.

*It won’t hurt to give one bottle of formula, a pacifier, etc: Both bottles and pacifiers can cause nipple confusion. With a bottle, baby may also decide he likes the faster flow of a bottle and may refuse the breast. Artificial nipples should only be introduced once nursing has been well established for a minimum of 3 weeks.

Milk production is a supply and demand process. If you give baby that one bottle of formula, your body will think baby doesn’t need as much milk, and will decrease your supply. With a lower supply, you will have to supplement with more formula, your body will continue to decrease your supply, and you’ll soon be down to nothing.

*Give baby a little cereal in a bottle; it will help him sleep through the night.Babies need NOTHING but breastmilk until at least 6 months of age. This cuts down on developing food allergies and gives the digestive tract time to mature. All babies are different, and giving cereal will not always guarantee sleeping through the night.

*There are no benefits to nursing past 6 months. The six month mark recommended by the APA, WHO, etc. is a minimum. The benefits to baby and you will continue as long as you breastfeed. In cases where food allergies are expected, breastfeeding is recommended a full year.

*If you have a sore breast, don’t nurse with it for a day or two. This can lead to a supply problem. Unless it’s very, very painful, you should nurse even a sore breast. It’s best to offer the healthy breast first, as baby will then be more gentle with the second breast. It’s best to see your doctor if you develop any problems ASAP.

*You can’t nurse if you’re sick. The only illnesses that require you to stop breastfeeding are HIV/AIDS HTLV-1 and septicetmia from food poisioning.  If you are sick, do continue to breastfeed-baby has already been exposed, and your milk will develop specific antibodies to whatever you have. If you are given medication, be sure your care provider knows you are breastfeeding. If a medication isn’t okay to take while breastfeeding, there is usually an alternative.

*Your baby isn’t getting enough milk when given a bottle. Up to 6 months, an exclusively breastfed baby will only need approximately 3 ounces of breastmilk per feeding if eating every 3 hours, 2 ounces if eating every 2 hours.  As baby grows, your breastmilk becomes more concentrated with the nutrients it produces. Formula doesn’t change, which is why it must be continually increased as baby grows. If baby seems to be eating significantly more than that, it’s most likely that the person giving baby the bottle isn’t adequately reading the signs that baby is finished.

*If baby is born and not producing enough wet diapers, you must supplement with formula. If there is a problem with baby not getting enough milk, pumped breastmilk is a better alternative to formula. To avoid nipple confusion, baby should be fed with a medicine dropper, oral syringe, etc. Babies are born with extra water to carry them through until mom’s milk ‘comes in’, generally 3-5 days after giving birth.

*It is better bottle feed … you can make your DH get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby. It isn’t fair that you should have to do all the work.Okay, formula feeding is easier on mom.  For about the first month, you will be the ONLY person that can feed her. This will take up a good portion of your post-partum time and energy. Dad and siblings need to realize that they’ll really have to do many of the chores: cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc.

*If your child is dehydrated, you must stop breastfeeding. Baby will not need any supplements to prevent dehydration IF he/she is eating often. Pedialyte can be used in addition to breastmilk, but should not replace it. Breastmilk does not dehydrate like cow’s milk.

original article here

When you know it’s time to go…

Have you met people in your life, whose presence brought you peace and harmony? Rarely I meet people, who have soothing effect on me, and my moods; somewhat elevating effect, that makes you want to be better and think that you can accomplish great things… Have you ever met people that when you start talking to them, you almost immediately feel that you are on the same page, and they waft pleasant thoughts and kind emotions. Such simple words, like kind thoughts and warm emotions.  I wish we didn’t forget these in a string of days.

I and Sophia were staying home for several days, and when we finally got out of the house today to visit my friends, I felt like a caveman, who saw the sunshine for the first time in many months. I have been very irritated due to a lot of factors: staying home too much, and not being able to leave Sophia with anyone, which I have finally understood that I have to in order to keep my sanity. I have to figure out the way to trust others to watch her and put up with the fact that it’s going to be English speaking person most likely. I know that leaving the house and leaving my daughter for periods of time were long overdue.

Ideally, I was supposed to do it 9 months ago, when she just turned nine months. It is very useful for her and formation of her independence. It is even more useful for me – an emotional and complex person, who just needs an outlet to express her creativity… But because of traumatic birth experience, and a feeling of guilt, also having paranoia that my child won’t speak Russian, because everyone around me is an English speaking “enemy”; and because of an absence of my mother and trust issues with my MIL, I just could not leave her. So I held on, and held on, and held on, until recently I have come to notice that it’s unbearable for me and for her.

Children genetically expect their mother to leave, and when it doesn’t happen, some issues start to arise. For instance, they may start nursing more often, almost at the same pace as newborns, up to twenty times a day… The logic here is “I might as well suck on breasts as much as I can, before she finally leaves…” Or they will throw tantrums in their attempts to usurp the mother… NOT GOOD. Not good for my sanity whatsoever.

I am always preaching how important it is to keep them in your arms 24/7 during in-arms phase, which is until they start creeping and crawling. It usually happens at around eight months of age. Until then it is extremely important to be in close contact, and not leave them with strangers and especially for long periods of time. I myself got so attached to my child and so carried away by this concept that I failed to notice that she is one and a half years old, and running around!!! WOW, and they are telling me that it’s other people’s children that grow up fast?! She grew up in a blink of an eye! And it’s time to leave, mommy, for your own sake and for the sake of your child’s well-being. Yet it is heart breaking, I realize that I need to step aside a bit and take my shield off of her… Otherwise, the result will be deplorable.

She has thrown quite a few tantrums recently, screaming and even growling and roaring at times; she would also throw herself on the floor and sometimes even hit her face(!), which I can’t imagine where she got it from??? It is driving me nuts, and I sure do not want to be a walking example of the joke: “Some people belong on a tree, because they are nuts!”

Anyhow, I took myself by the scruff, and drove to visit my friends. As always happens when I go to these precious people’s house, the time Sophia and I spent there was delightful. I always feel almost from the first moment I walk in, that I am understood. It right away makes me turn off my defense mode and just be myself, even though I remain having doubts whether I talk too much or not. Just can’t relax and be myself, shoot…What’s up with that. Sophia was acting fine, almost perfect, she was busy exploring the house, playing with Dante and finding new toys to play with. We were eating healthy snacks, light and tasty, and it made me feel good about myself. I almost believed I can follow a healthy diet and finally start a juice fest I was talking about for so long. I remembered that Mirta gave me “Juicing Bible” – a book about juicing, obviously. All I need to start is… to buy a juicer! Healthy body-healthy spirit, and vice versa.

Beautiful ideas, enlightened mood and spirit, that’s exactly what I needed! And very productive, too – we have come up with ideas for our AP and BF Support Group logo and finally watched “The business of being born”. It was hard for me to watch. I felt so guilty once again for my ignorance, and for what my daughter was put through because I didn’t do my research. Couple times during the movie I cried, but in the end it was liberating and empowering in a sense of gripping my passion and my mission in helping mothers to make informed decisions!

Coming home downgraded my optimism and light mood a little bit, and I questioned myself “why?” I think “light” comes from within, and I have to take responsibility for keeping it live. As everything in life, it is a matter of habit, sustained effort and discipline. And in some cases, mental health. Not my case, hopefully 😉

In the end we always turn to someone who can listen and is compassionate, who respects and accepts others and himself. All these latest, trends about steep personalities, and inflexible minds, don’t work. Einstein said that any kind of addiction is bad, no matter if the drug be alcohol, cigarettes or Idealism.  Outside toughness and agression are just decoys  that intend to cover up one’s incompetency to communicate with others, build lasting relationships, respect other people’s views, feelings, and ways etc, etc, etc.

Does it really matter in the end? I wasn’t talking to a girl, because she thought breastfeeding was pain in the butt. But it’s my problem! Who cares??? Welcome to natural selection, you just entered a ruffle! Some will make it, some won’t, it’s the law of evolution. Will I lower myself to arrogance and deceit? No. I learn to respect others and their choices. I learn to take responsibility for my own actions, moods and feelings, that’s a part of this deal, called adulthood.

Wow, where have I started and where have I ended?? Funny, this post came together to be about responsibility, light people, hope and time to get out of the house!

Hope I didn’t bore you, and Happy Motherhood!

Sincerely, Valeriya Isernia AP trainer