How I accepted my mother and became happy

 

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It’s funny and amazing that I got to write about my mother. As an individual, who doesn’t believe in accidents, I have a feeling this has been long overdue. I need to acknowledge my mother and reconnect with her heritage.

 

In retrospect, I have always been daddy’s girl and then, step daddy’s girl, who was even more of a dad to me for as long as he lived until he passed away. My step dad (my mother’s second husband) died seventeen years ago. He was in our lives for ten years.

 

During those years, I barely spoke to my real dad. I felt neither need nor mutual desire. That changed, when my step dad died, and I needed to fill in my heart with new father figure. I craved father figure. For some reason, my whole life has been about fathers, brothers, boyfriends and then, a spouse. Everything about men and difficult relationships with them.

 

I slowly started talking again to my dad; it became easier, since I was transferred to school, where he was teaching physics and astronomy. To me, a fourteen year old traumatized and confused teenager he was a mesmerizing image of god, a source of truth, which was unquestionable, just like his authority. Due to my thirst of connection, I listened and believed everything he said; I was like a sponge, trying to soak every bit of information and attention, even like a puppy, craving love.

 

My father is bright, enlightened and passionate individual, a visionary. He influenced me profoundly. When he became successful in his business, which he was doing on a side from school, I was very proud. My mom was still working in some retail store, she was an owner, but eventually had to give it up, simply because it wasn’t producing enough money. To be honest, after spending all our savings, trying to save her second husband and the greatest love of her life, and after losing this battle with death, things went down spiral.

 

She found a third husband, but I felt she stayed with him, because she couldn’t stand the loneliness.

Her third husband was a complete opposite of her second husband. To make it more complicated he inherited two troubled kids (me and my sister), and a woman, who he loved with all his heart, yet he was doomed to be compared to the one she had truly loved and lost. It wasn’t easy. They were fighting constantly. He even left a few times, but always came back.

 

My mother is a very strong, powerful, insightful, deep and intense individual. For this very reason they couldn’t make it with my father. They were two leaders, who couldn’t give up their authorities.

 

By the age of nineteen, I was quiet and shy individual, with vivid imagination and dreams to be some kind of artist. I had a music band, where I was a singer, and I was constantly writing poems. What I didn’t have was guts to pursue artistic career. My mother was pressuring me to get a “real” education. I left music, went to study Tourism and Hospitality, and when I was twenty one, I came to the United States as an exchange student. I never came back home.

 

My father was trying to recruit me to expand his business overseas, but I just wasn’t wired the same way, and felt really guilty about it. His success and my inability to follow made me feel mediocre.

 

I was looking down at my mother, who was now working as a retail assistant at somebody else’s store. It was definitely under her intellectual capacity, but she couldn’t manage to get out to the next level. I was mad at her, yet I couldn’t find myself either.

 

Next year I’m turning thirty. I am just now realizing that I need to go into artistic field and not feel ashamed about it. I have been drilling everything my dad said out of my head, because I have realized that this man is not always right, and the wall between us can’t be broken even if I fulfill all of his expectations.

 

I’m learning to set boundaries and protect what’s important to me. I’m re-examining my relationship with my mother. My dad got this vibe going, as if she had nothing accomplished in her life, and he’s so successful, yet to me, she was lucky to experience the greatest love I have ever witnessed, and the most beautiful love story with the most amazing man, who had died for us. I envy her now.

 

I love talking to her; she’s my best life coach. I think part of the reason I couldn’t accept and find myself was because I didn’t accept my mom for who she was and her life experience as being worthy.

 

I sense that now things are changing. I’m blessed to have such a great, loving and wise mother. She is forty eight years old, she gave birth to her third daughter at the age of forty, and that little girl made her third husband and their marriage so much happier.

 

She went back to teach history at school, and loves it. Now she feels like she’s contributing to society. I am proud of her, and I want to take everything from her life experience, so I can apply it on my own life and be the best person and daughter.

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Breastfeeding Today

English: A baby breastfeeding

English: A baby breastfeeding (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Breastfeeding Today is an online magazine and this month they had a lovely article on how to handle criticism for breastfeeding. Its a question and complaint many breastfeeding mothers have, how to handle it when strangers, friends and family make rude comments or give terrible advice, no matter how well intentioned, about your breastfeeding relationship with your baby. I loved the suggestions the article in Breastfeeding Today provides, they are gentle and loving.

Breastfeeding Today

Creative Pregnancy, Birth Announcement, Maternity Photos

Browsing Pinterest can give you so much inspiration for great, creative pregnancy, birth announcement, maternity and gender announcement photos. We found this blog to have some really beautiful ideas and had to share!

Creative Pregnancy and Newborn Photos

I took some photos during my pregnancy, but I admit they weren’t planned or made into something creative or cute. I wish I had! At least I did put more thought into taking photos of my son each month. Every time he turned a month older, we took pictures of him with an owl sticker. I know that for baby number 2 I’ll make sure to plan carefully so we can make really cute memories! Here are a few examples of my baby boy’s monthly photos:

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Did you take creative photos to announce your pregnancy or the gender? How about monthly photographs of baby?

Upcoming meeting!!!

Nurturing Mothers Network, Central Florida based mommy support group, is having an upcoming meeting on September 26th of 2012. It’s going to take place at Commonsense Birth Place in Winter Garden, Fl at 10.15am.

We are excited and honored to be holding our meetings at this beautiful place of business that does comply with our very core values, and reflects our motto – Return to natural Approaches in Birth, Parenting, Health and overall living!

The topic of the meeting will be – “12 Simple Rules of Attachment Parenting“. There will be a short presentation on that by me (Valeriya Isernia), you will soon see the video presentation of “12 Simple Rules of AP” prior to the meeting, so you know what it is about.

We are also very excited to inform you that we will have another speaker – Kristin Worischek (IBCLC, LLLL, RLC Lactation Consultant) to share words of wisdom and inspiration with all of Nurturing Mothers, and that’s exactly who we are, and our job as  leaders to help awaken this magic potential in every woman, every mother!

Please arrive promptly. There will be refreshments served. At the end of the meeting – play time, as always!=)

See you all then!

Sincerely, Valeriya Isernia

About Femininity

How many times you heard a woman say “I’m the pants of the family”. What does it really mean? Is it natural for a woman to be in a leading position, in marriage?

Emancipation opened a lot of doors for women, gave them career opportunities in every field imaginable. But have we lost something as well as we have gained?

Words like  patience, compromise, gentleness, eagerness to serve, modesty and femininity are more likely to insult a modern career-oriented woman, let alone staying home with the child, and breastfeed for as long as the child wants to. Side effect of capitalistic society is –  everything needs to be fast and competitive. In this case, quality suffers.

Chinese philosophy emphasizes an ability of a drop of water to slowly break the stone over a long period of time – in their understanding that’s how woman is supposed to conduct herself towards husband. Today, we can hardly imagine such wisdom and patience in relationships; a person can easily just walk out of the relationship if something does not suit him/her immediately.

When I ask women, if they would rather stay home and take care of the kids and family, majority says they wouldn’t want to, because they would be bored. The ones who want to usually can’t afford it. What does this have to do with femininity? A lot! In the world of masculine women, and feminine men, we have switched the roles, the balance is lost, and institute of family is in big crisis.

A woman needs to develop her feminine qualities in order to be happy, and create a healthy family, raise harmonious children. Her priorities should run in the family. She can work, if she wants to, for her own pleasure, but it should not interfere with her family. By developing her feminine side, she will grow masculine qualities of her husband, which will fulfill creative potential of both!

Woman’s duty is also to develop her husband as a  person, so he will get inspired and find the way to bring the best to his family and provide for them. Inspire your man to be the man!

I am myself very ambitious and a multifaceted person; motherhood changed everything for me. I started to learn about my own femininity, and how it affects everything around me. I myself have a suppressive power and sometimes I just want to bully instead of discussing things. It took me a lot of steps to learn to control my ego, and attitude towards men. I myself was acting like a man, giving orders, demanding like a general at war…

I now learn to be softer, and hold the fire within for more constructive purposes. But this is the ultimate challenge. It is so hard for a woman to obey and respect the man, because she’s six times stronger emotionally and psychologically. In order to embrace our nature and be happy, we need to learn to do that. So many women opted out of sacrificing their ego, and stayed alone, miserable, but proud. Everyone makes their own choice. Strong woman is more prone to be alone, because she wants to be a man. Who’s the pants of your family? 😉

Sincerely, Valeriya Isernia